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瑞·古德RonGold
Mysup,anditscaresme.Terrifiesme,actually.Girls.Driving.Alcs.Horoteallofthesethings?
Whele,Iwasohimented,omhers.EvewashardorIwastired,Iaddressedeveseeminglyinsignifitexperiehoughtitdealtwithsomethial.“I’mdoingthisfhaul.”
I’dtellmyselfandmyoemyinsti.
Mycesfuidandledaily,eheever-presentandoftenmore-favoredpeers.Ifearthatmyinfluencewillbereplaeatrenchcoatorashortskirt.
Still,Irepeatthebasiwhetolistenaoughissuesheadon.AndIholdoforthe“formative”
years,Idemandedhisfullattentionauingcywillsaveusboth.
IknowthatIhaven’tlosthimpletely,anyway,becauseofthelookhegavemetheotherdaywhenIdroppedhimoffatschool.
“Iloveyou.”
Isaid,asalways,ashegrabbedhisbackpack.Usually,he’llsay,“Iloveyou,too,bye.”
buthedidn’t,andIwasOKwithit.He’s14,whatdoIexpehelhtatme.“Iloveyou.”
hesaidquietly.HelhtioseethatIheardhi
Thegirlswhbywereoutofearshotbythen.Hiswordsandthatlookhappenedihofased,butthewholeuillandIcould’thearathing.Inthatsliverofamomeirelifetimeblazedthroughmymind.Ikhahispla.Ihearwhathe’snotsayingandknowwhathemeaoo,Mom,andIhopeyouknowthat.Iwaosayitbacktoyouwhenyousaidit,butthereweresomepeoplewalkingbyahaveheardmeaeasedme,butIsuredidohurtys,andIdidn’twantyoutoleavewithit,becauseIreallydoloveyou.Pleaseuand.”
Idouahatgrowingupistough,andIwouldeenageragainevenifIcould.IuhatI’tbewithhimeverysedorprotethehorrorsthatlurkoutsidemygrasp.IuandhowimportantitisforhimtoknowthatI’mhere,thathealwayse,ahisoverandover,evenwhenhesays,“Mom,youalreadytoldmeathousandtimes.”
&hedayhebecameapartofme,Ihavetriedtoprepareusbothforthisseparatiht,almI’veeverdonehasbeeninreadyinghimtobewithoutme,andnowI’mscaredtodeath.NowIlytrusthisfuturetothepast,butthatlookhadtobeagoodsign.
&oldhimthatIlovehimeveryday,two,threeor12timesaday,for14
yearsnow.Heusuallysaysitback.It’sbeeahabit.Mayitlast.Mayitprotecthim
I’llriskhavingmysonrollhiseyesatme,andI’lltellhimagainandagain:Talktome,I’mhereforyou.Trustme,I’llhelpyou.I’llalwayslisten.Youtellmeanything.
AndathousandtimesadayI’llsay“Iloveyou”
.Sometimeshe’llsayitback.Buteve,I’llhearitany>
我的儿子在慢慢长大,我感到害怕,更确切地说是恐惧。
美色、驾车、酒精和毒品,我该如何使他免受这些事物的影响?
在他小的时候,我就是那种凡事都要过问的母亲。
就算是一些看起来无关紧要的经验,只要我认为它会影响孩子的成长,即便我又苦又累时,我也会向孩子阐述明白。
“我这样做是为将来打算。”
我会这样告诉自己和那些不理解我的人。
如今,我非常希望我的感觉是正确的。
我对他的影响作用日趋减少,因为他更多的是和他的同龄人在一起,更容易受他们的影响。
我担心我的作用会被那些着装前卫的男孩女孩所取代。
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