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双重悲伤DoubleSadness
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玛莎·鲁塞尔·徐MarthaRussellHsu
“IkeepwaboutMartha，”
mymothersaidaswesatialcformyfathertobeexamior.“Weleftherplayingintheyardanddidn’ttellhereregoing.Ihopeshe’snotsittings.”
IwipedawaytearsthatwerestreamingdowI’mMartha.I’mrightherewithyou.”
Itriedtoreassureher.
“No，notyou.”
mymotheratleMartha.”
Fearsofabaa，envelopedusaswetriedtoadjusttomyfather’ssuddenincapacity.
Thecallhadethenightbefore.Myfatherhadfallenandbrokenhiship;aoreplacethehipjointwasscheduledfortheAfriendwasstayingwithmymht.“I’lleassoonasItheearlymplane.”
Ipromised.
Mymotherandfather，marriedforfifty-eightyears，hadneverhadaseriehoughmymotherhadbeeinglyfusediseveralmonths.“Andisyourmotherstillalive?”
shehadaskedmeonmylastvisit，withasoterestintheyoungwomanshehadneverseenbefore.Now，withthedailyroutiedandthenearlytpanionshipofmyfatherremoved，herdisorientationwasmoresevere.
“ButI’mworriedaboutMartha.”
mymaiurdownforlunch.“Imgoingouttolookforher.”
“ButI’mMartha.”
Itriedagaihagrewupaome.”
“That’sridiothersaid.Shetuggedopedoor，wentouttothestreet，andstoodtensely.Lookingupanddowlegirlshewassureshehadseenjustthat.Thentothebackofthehouseandthroughthebacklottotheotherstreet.“I’mgoingtoaskthosepeopleoverthereifthey’veseeher，beinginglyfrantic，luraffidcrossthebusystreet.
&’sgohomeandcallthechurchoffice.”
Ipleaded.“Maybesomeoherehelp.”
Onthewaybacktothehouse，mymothersaid，“It’sogoawaylikethatwithouttellingme.Ifoanote.”
Anote!Seeingawaytorelievemymitation，Iscribbledanoteassoohehouse，awhereitcouldbedisier.“Mama，”
itsaid，“IhavegoaywithMaryAnnforafeleasedon’tworry.I’mokay.Martha.”
“Look，”
Isaid，“here’sadoesitsay?”
Mymotherreaditaloudslowlyaelybeganto.
“Thankgoodness，”
shesaid.“She’sallright.She’swithMaryAnn.”
Withthetedowntofinishlundspeernoonathome.
Thatevenial，mymothertoldmyfatherthatMarthahadgoaywithMaryAnnforafewdaysbutthatshewasstillworriedabouther.Myfathersaid，“Don’tgolookingforaha.Wealreadyhaveohat’senough.”
&day，Martha’sabseillverymuother’smind.“Whatshebedoing?”
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